![]() can I keep that?" Our God is a jealous God. “You can have the easy stuff, but the hard stuff, I don’t want to deal with because it hurts too much.” I am too prideful to let that part of me go.” “You can have this characteristic, but not that one. “You can have me on Sunday mornings, God, but not on Saturday nights. “You can have this part, God, but not that. I surrendered, and continue to surrender my future to God’s will for my life. I realized that when my plans are not inline with God’s vision, the only thing that brings about is emptiness. That is a dangerous weapon when your mind isn’t 100% surrendered to Jesus.īut I grew up. I am a crazy determined, and hard worker. I am good at accomplishing whatever I set my mind to do. I was so afraid to just give my future to God, and like Sarah, I made the plans and called the shots. I decided what I wanted, when I wanted it. I surrender the poor choices that were all me and not You. Until empty, insane, desperate, and alone, I cried out to God and said, “I surrender all to you. Like a broken record, the memories went around and around in my mind cutting open scars that were was desperately trying to heal. I relived my bad choices over and over again. The guilt, the fear, the shame, the bad decisions, the mistakes, I held onto them in a death grip, not wanting to let go. I am withholding nothing.” (James 4:8) (Jeremiah 29:13) I turned to Him and said, “All I want is you, Jesus. Until sick, burnt out, exhausted, unhealthy, emotionally damaged, weary. He wanted to walk with me and talk to me. I spent too much time on social media, and not enough time in the Word. I busied myself in church, leading worship, and running ministries. ![]() Past the pain, past the hurt, past the guilt, past the mistakes. I imagine Abraham cried so hard he had no tears left.īut I surrendered, and when I did, God moved mightily. It was nights of crying so hard, I had no tears left. When I finally surrendered them to God, and withheld nothing, He revolutionized my life, and brought me out of my own will into His. I hid my relationships from God, hoping He wouldn’t see the mistakes I made. I wouldn’t let God touch my relationships because I knew many weren't from Him in the first place, so I withheld them. I withheld my relationships from God for a good long time. Why did you do it, my love?”Ībraham pulled me close into his strong embrace and whispered into my ear, “Because I will withhold nothing from my God.”. Teach me how you could obey God at any cost. I wiped the tears, came to my senses (a bit), and stared into the eyes of my husband, “Why did you do it, Abraham? Help me understand so that I can become a woman of faith. I laughed in God’s face as if anything is too hard for Him. Heck, I laughed when God told us that I would give birth to Isaac. Why wasn’t my faith as strong as his? Why couldn’t I be as confident that God was a God of mercy and grace? “Abraham, I would like to think that I would have obeyed, but I just don’t know.” I cried on my husband as he held me close. Would I have disobeyed God? Would I have kicked and screamed? Would I have bargained with God? “I don’t know.” I replied through angry and bitter tears. “Sarah, my love, what would you have done?” How could my husband do this?įinally, I heard Abraham. A mother who held, and nursed, and loved that baby. A mother who tried to take matters into her own hands with Hagar and Ishmael. A mother who waited over ninety years to see the promise of a child. I could understand that he didn’t go through with it because God provided a ram. I saw Abraham speaking, but I could hear no words. If God gave him to us, God can take him from us. ![]() Isaac was to be sacrificed as a burnt offering to God. “Sarah, what would you have me do? Disobey God? God told me to take our son. You lifted a knife to kill him, and you say everything is fine?” “Okay, let me get this straight! You bound my son to an altar. “God told you to sacrifice our son? Abraham, what is wrong with you? Where is Isaac? Where is my son?”Ībraham calmly replied, “He is outside with the servants tending to the animals. “You did what?” My mouth dropped open as my husband told the story.
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